what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
