i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
