going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
