Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize