Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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