the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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