I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
