Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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