We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
