You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
