Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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