Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
