no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
handjob tips. give me some.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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