The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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