i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're a waste of cheezeits
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
