I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
