You're so nebulous sometimes
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
