I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize