Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
