is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
