is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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