dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
