Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
