I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
