we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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