I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
A bitchslap is in order.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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