Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
