It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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