I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
