Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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