If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
