Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
