Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
