I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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