YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
