what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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