Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize