YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
