Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
