Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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