I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
