Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
