His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
