My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
