Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Pooping to opera.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize