enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
