He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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