theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
