also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
