K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
