saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
