great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
