I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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