keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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