Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
