Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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