Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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