Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
