I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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