Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
