I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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