I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
