He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
