if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
