Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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