i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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