If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
