I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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