Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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